'Friends'

'Friends' mean nothing to me. Those people who you fake a smile for when you see them and put on an overexaggerated "HEYYYY" for. The ones who ask you "how you been?" and don't really care - you know the ones who expect you to say fine and move on. The 'friends' who think they know all about you because they assume that you're exactly the same as them. They're unimportant and irrelivant to my future. They're just there to make me look slightly less weird. Don't get me wrong I love being weird but no-one really understands the concept of wanting to be ALONE. They do tend to drive that knife closer to my wrists.
But that's where my life savers come in. My real friends, the ones of whom I can name on one hand. And that's what's so brilliant. I spent so long thinking that i was the only one who could understand me [not a teenage cry of rebellion] that when other people could, I was bloody extatic. Your soul mate doesn't have to be the person you want to get married to etc. Mine isn't. My soul mate is a wonderful chica who understands and empathises with me. She's the best friend, and person, that ever did live and I adore the living daylights out of her. She's like my sister - only better. She's not perfect, which makes me feel so much better. She can't tell ime, is ALWAYS late, comes to school in her pyjamas and takes life with such ease that I just want to shake her go "HOW THE HELL CAN YOU BE SO RELAAAAXED!"
I have a couple of other people that I would call real friends and I wouldn't trade them for the world. One is quite surprising really, considering I hated him at one point.
Any way I just wanted to say that.
I feel better now.

Tattoo Time

I know that I'm not allowed one for another 2 years but I've been watching Miami Ink and I really, really, really want one now.
I've been thinking about it and I'm so gonna get an anime sleeve.
It's gonna be sooo cool.
Not sure what a university would thin of it but I'll wear long sleeves when I haveto do the interview.
:D

Yum-Tee-Tum

i love to draw

its so good

i love it

:D

7/7/2005

On this date my Darren was in one of the trains that was blown up by suicide bombers. This was the worst day of my life. He was a brilliant, talentd, king and loving man and no-one could compare to him. He made me a better person and he made some of my dreams [and nightmares ] come true. Because of him i got to feed a tiger cub - who is now huge - and i held a tarantula. It had orange feet and knees - it still makes my skin crawl. I adored this man and still do, and the fact that I'll never see him again kills me.
I'll always love him and I think because of how well he taught me I will be able to move on while always remembering him. I have people around me now that make me happy but it's not really the same.
But that doesnt mean its bad.
R.I.P Darren

Mental Breakdown

They Aint Fun. i was supposed to be going to my 6th form induction and instead i hav to stay at home like some psycho. my mind is screwy right now so it would be nice if ppl just left me alone.

Betrayal

its a funny thing - the betrayer thinks they have the right to be angry while the betrayee is supposed to forgive and forget.
you lie, steal, cheat and are so arrogant about it, then go and tell ppl i punched u and ur excuse is that you were angry.
well poor u.
im fucked up right now , my head is imploding, i feel like there is no one i can trust any more - but i dont do that do i?
wow, even with a mental disease im still a better person than u.
maybe im better off without u.

monday bloody monday... or is it thursday?

I woke this morning and i had no idea what day it was - I'm still not entirely sure. Its not because i was drunk but because of the serious lack of sleep I've been getting. This morning it was thanks to my brother. ggrrr.
Anyway, I have come to the very abrupt decision (never could spell that word) that I need to start focusing more on the stuff I love rather than hate. I used to write songs almost every day and i really found it relaxing as i could vent completely - you see I don't really like telling people about my feelings and stuff, though there are a few people I trust. My songs are a way for me to vent without going insane or hurting someone. Then exams came along and I found that I didn't really have any time. And i do art - proper art, not a light switching on and off in a room - that also let me express myself. Now I've got 10 weeks off and I figure that I should go back to creative, zen Jeni.
I might put some on here - who knows.
Maybe I won't hate CERTAIN people as much.

peace out bitches Xx